Remember the time the principal almost caught you switching around your death chants against the United States during first grade in post-revolutionary Iran? Or how the tyranny of Saddam Hussein and the miserable devastation of the Iran-Iraq War drove your family to flee the only country you and your ancestors had ever known?

Remember your first Halloween in America, when your very Persian father dropped cut up pieces of stale pita bread into the bag of each befuddled little Trick-or-Treater? Or the time that he left the house during the Los Angeles riots, armed only with some pointy kabob skewers?

Really, you don’t remember?

I do.

I’m currently seeking publishing options for my humor memoir (untitled). Stay tuned, folks.